Hello Motherhood, a few things you should know.
First of all a massive congratulations on your new arrival, whatever journey you were on to arrive at motherhood, take a deep breath - because you did it!
Your world may have been thrown upside down with your new arrival, you maybe ready to go into labour at any minute or you and you partner are just thinking about starting a family. Maybe you are far from thinking about kids, but your friends are and you want to support them. What ever stage your at, please keep reading as I really feel that the information detailed below worth reading and understanding.
I have spoken with quite a lot of new mums on their journeys and I thought I would put together a little blog of what I feel is important. Parenthood isn’t easy (or even come naturally) for many of us, especially those first few months.
Be open minded
Hands up - I am a bit of a control freak, yep. I like to plan, organise and make sure everything is sorted. My birth plan was written and filed with all the other pregnancy paraphernalia, but with life it doesn’t always go the way you want it, and it is no different when it is time to meet your bundle.
It was out of my control and the Midwives, we just had to take every minute as they came. If you are like me, then please plan, organise and plan again, but beware that it is OK if baby has different ideas on how they are arriving. Just go with the flow and be open minded. Listen to your body because it knows what to do.
It’s the same when you get home, you have great plans about inclusively breast feeding, getting into a routine of bedtimes and sleeping all night. But your milk production has stopped or baby won’t sleep without a cuddle. You feel like you are failing and being a bad parent. Please remind yourself that because things aren’t going to your plan, it doesn’t mean that you are a bad parent.
You love your bundle more that words can say - sometimes what you think is right isn’t always the best way - don’t be hard on yourself.
Sleep Deprivation
Lack of sleep can really do funny things to us - I suppose thats why it is used in torture methods when trying to get people to crack and spill the beans whilst being captured. It’s awful, I’m not going to lie. My husband and I often had an arguments about who was most tired. 100% I was the winner as I was up feeding all night - just saying! ;)
Babies have no idea, what time of the day it is. They have no idea that they ‘should’ be sleeping at night time and awake during the day. They learn this because we form a routine but that takes time. When they are asleep that is when they do most of their growing.
My son was a nightmare to sleep, he would fight it and fight it, that said he still does - massive fomo! My daughter on the other hand, can sleep anywhere. We used throw her little blanket over her face (I know - it sounds awful, but she could breath, promise!) and it was like a light switch popping her off to the land of ZZzzzz’s. Once she had had her two hours nap, she was raring to go again.
Babies are all different, some sleep, some don’t. Please just bear that in mind.
Bonding may take time
Sometimes it isn’t all love at first sight, sometimes there is resentment at this little pink thing that is solely dependant on you has change your life, and caused you pain. Bonding may not happen for days, weeks or sometimes months - and THAT IS OK.
There is nothing wrong with feeling like this, but please talk to someone about how you are feeling, just so they know, a problem shared is a problem halved and talking about these feelings will make you feel a whole lot better.
Accepting offers of help
Say yes!
Accept that offer of dinner being cooked for you by a friend, accept the offer of someone taking the dog a walk or even cuddling the baby for 15 minutes (or as long as you want to) while you take the dog a walk. Accept the offer of house work or giving your friend a load of washing to take home and do. Accept the offer a baby cuddle while you wash and make yourself feel more like you.
You can see where I’m going with this… Accept the offers and say yes.
Breast is best Fed is best
I’m sure you have already heard/read/been told about how important breast milk is and I’m sure you have been amazed at how passionate some people are about the subject matter. Yes it is liquid gold and specifically made for your baby by you. But sometimes we don’t produce enough milk or your nipples are inverted which make latching tricky or we don’t like the thought of a baby sucking on your boobs. All of this is ok.
Breast feeding is not for everyone, it is your own personal preference. It does not make you a bad parent if you choose to formula feed and you will still have a happy healthy baby if you do.
If breast feeding is your bag, and you want to try it then awesome! It can be tricky getting the right positioning, but remember both you and your baby are learning. If you are struggling and want want some advice and support, Breastfeeding in the Borders is here to help (BIBS).
A fed baby is a happy baby, a happy baby makes for happy parents. You make the call and don’t feel bad about your decision, everyone has a different journey and to be quite frank it has nothing to do with anyone else.
Support
A good support network is THE most important thing ever, we may not have a partner who helps with the washing or is good at making tea. We may not have a mum or one who lives just around the corner. But if we have a close knit friend group they can be worth their weight in gold.
If you don’t feel like you have any support there are mummy and baby groups that are in your local area that you could go to, again help and support is out there. Speak to your health visitor about the groups, they are there to help and be inclusive.
Cut yourself some slack
Just re-read that header again. Yup - Cut yourself some slack. Your body has just been though THE most biggest transitions of it life, it needs time to recover and heal, not just physically but spiritually too.
Your hormones will be in over drive trying to suss out what your body needs to produce to keep your little bundle alive, (ie colostrum and milk - even if your not breast feeding your body still produces it, did you know that?). You may cry at the drop of a hat, over anything and nothing AND you may loose your shit over anything and nothing. It’s all part of the process and it’s all ok.
Please don’t think that your body will spring back into the way it was before you were pregnant, it takes time, so if you can’t fit back into your pre babe jeans then, just buy a bigger pair - you don’t need the stress of not being your prebabe weight thrown in the mix.
Have heard of Baby Brain? This is your brain now sussing out what it needs to do to nurture you baby. If your baby is fed and warm, then you’re winning. Everything else is forgotten about, no I actually mean that!
Take time to sit and feed babe with the telly on, just make sure you have the remote control and a glass of water. Feeding time is bonding time, it’s time to be skin to skin, even if your formula feeding. It’s ok to watch box sets on Netflix. Your not sat doing nothing you are bonding with your newborn and that is 1000% ok!
Cluster feeding
Cluster feeding is when baby suckles more to stimulate your milk production. Signals are sent from your breasts to the brain so it produces more milk because you babe is growing and needs more milk to do that!
Your baby will feed and feed for what feels like a life time and all you want to do is have five minutes to yourself, but go with it. It is establishing a good milk supply, good bonding and again it’s natures way of making you sit still and letting your body heal. Everything else can wait.
Cluster feeding happens the you are using formula too. Babies go though these feeding frenzies for the first few months and it’s completely normal.
Comparing
We all compare ourselves to each other, it’s human nature but sadly it gets magnified when we become mothers and our babies milestones become a competition. It doesn’t help with that lack of sleep too. The good news is though, it doesn’t have to be like that.
What we must remember is that every baby is different, every journey is different, your babies timeline of achievements will be different to others which, if I’m honest, is great! If we were all the same, life would be boring and we would’ve nothing to talk about!
You know best
Believe it or not YOU know what is best for your baby.
You can take of everyones piece of advice, and believe me everyone has something they want to tell you about or how they did it.
Listen to what they have to say, decide if it’s something you want to do. If it is, then great, if it not, then great! It’s your call.
EVERYONE has different views, ways of doing things and ideas. EVERYONE will want to share with you their experiences, but ultimately YOU decide is best for your family.
Finally, I hope you can take something away from this blog post. Please share and if you have any other additional bits of info that you think new mums and soon-to-be mums should know then please share them with us in the comments below, I’d love to read them!
B x